Parents mental health affects development of infants and children
- Feb 26
- 8 min read
Updated: Mar 29
By: Dr. Julie Williams, PsyD
Topics include:
Mental health vs. behavioral health
Getting help
What is emotional abuse of a child?
Video: Narcissism in a Parent [The Signs You Need to Know]
Video: Understanding the Narcissist
Key Takeaway: Leading evidence-based research has shown the effects of your behavior on children can often be deep-reaching and destructive.
Being a dad is one of the most rewarding and important roles you can have in life. Right from the beginning, fathers play a big role in their children’s health and development. Studies show that father involvement during the perinatal period and the first three years of life leads to children who are more ready for school, have an advanced vocabulary and enhanced social skills, and are better able to regulate their emotions.
Father involvement also positively impacts both father and mother: it increases parents’ confidence, results in both being more responsive to the baby, and it decreases mothers and fathers’ potential for behavioral health issues.
With today’s advances in medicine, it’s tragic how uninformed and unwilling parents are about maintaining a healthy body and particularly a healthy mind. Men are far less likely to seek help, particularly help with behavioral problems. Exhibiting symptoms of a disorder often does not trigger a sense of urgency to seek medical attention.
Refusing Help
There are many reasons you may be reluctant to seek help for behavioral/mental health disorders.
Acknowledging the reality of your mental health and behavioral issues and its impact on your life can be uncomfortable, and can elicit emotions you’d rather not deal with. Even if you do realize the extent of your own suffering, the prospect of unraveling it can seem overwhelming and exhausting, and you may tell yourself that you can handle it alone. When you have children, however, your behavioral health problem is never yours alone. The effects of your behavior on children can be deep-reaching and destructive.
Mental health vs. behavioral health
Mental health is about how your psychological state affects your well-being, while behavioral health is about how actions affect your well-being. For many people, including mental health professionals, the terms are interchangeable, but there’s more to mental health than behaviors, and behaviors affect more than mental health.
Mental Health
identity
perception
emotions
morality
ethics
empathy
resiliency
personality
brain health
cognitive function
mental health disorders
Your feelings, perceptions, thoughts, and how they shape your current psychological state — absent of any action — define your mental health.
And while mental health can and does affect your behaviors, it isn’t synonymous with behavioral health.
Behavioral health
Behavioral health is interlinked with mental health, but behavioral health looks at everyday behaviors and how they influence both physical and mental well-being.
It considers things like:
reactions
habits
lifestyle
social interactions
cultural practices
coping strategies
Unlike mental health, behavioral health doesn’t focus on psychological sensations. Instead, it looks at how behaviors influence mental and physical health.
Mental health is a component of behavioral health. Mental health is often the “why” behind certain behaviors, or the lack thereof.
Getting help for mental health
If you believe your experiencing mental health or behavioral health concerns or disorders, you can get many different types of help and support.
The best place to start is with your Primary Care Physician. Your PCP can refer you to a range of specialist support services like psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, rehabilitation services or community health services.
Resources
Children's Lifetime (addresses safe and essential environments that will encourage children to prosper)
Parents are not only investing in their sound mental health, they are investing in themselves to build a strong foundation to successfully juggle being a father, maintain employment as well as financial and household responsibilities. It can easily become overwhelming. This foundation is built on "Core Capability Life Skills”
According to the extensive research and studies by Harvard University, Center on the Developing Child, science tells us adults need certain capabilities to succeed in life and support the development of the next generation, "our children."
Mental health challenges will undermine your ability to accomplish this. Psychologically, men face some of the toughest developmental challenges when they become a father. They may also face challenges and changes in the relationship with their partner.
As soon as a new baby enters the world, the need to listen, think critically, and make difficult parenting decisions take center stage. At the same time, intimate relations with your partner are not a priority. Health experts believe many men who relied on their partners for emotional support and intimacy can be left feeling guilty, resentful, and confused as they try to figure out how to support their partners while sacrificing their own support and need for intimacy.
Society views men as stoic, self-sacrificing, and most importantly, strong. When men feel none of those things as new fathers, they don’t want to admit it or seek help. Experts in paternal mental health say fathers are struggling and suffering with metal health difficulties at about the same rate as mothers. The majority of these mental health difficulties go unnoticed, undiagnosed, and untreated.
Children are impacted when parents/caregivers are unaware or educated about their behavioral or mental health issues. Damaging general experiences, habits and unhealthy dynamics can be one cause.
What is emotional abuse of a child?
Common patterns of emotional abuse caused by parents with mental health and behavioral health disorders.
Emotional abuse, also called psychological abuse, involves behaviors that harm a person’s sense of self-worth, security, and emotional well-being. With emotional abuse, parents or caregivers will purposely find ways to manipulate and control a child’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Emotional abuse can occur in conjunction with other forms of abuse and is one of the most complex forms of abuse to recognize. Despite the devastating effects of emotional abuse, rarely is it considered severe enough to be “dangerous” for a child. Children often remain loyal to their abusers because they are afraid of what will happen if they disclose the abuse or because of their love for the parent/adult. An emotionally abused child also might think that being called names or denied affection is an ordinary way of life. They might not tell anyone about the abuse because they believe their experiences represent “normal” family behavior.
Description of common emotional abuse by parents/caregivers
Rejects and ignores the child
Often criticizes, belittles, demeans, or mocks the child
Shows little interest in the child
Blaming the child for adult problems
Does not initiate or return affection
Dismissing the child's feelings
Deliberately causing the child emotional pain
Ridiculing the child or mocking them
Humiliates or publicly shames the child
Talking down to the child
Calling the child names
Getting angry at the child often
Yelling or swearing at the child
Threatening to abandon the child
Threatening to harm the child or their family members, friends, or pets
Intimidating or scaring the child
Coercing or manipulating the child
Frequently harassing or picking on the child
Ignoring the child or using silence to control their behavior
Withholding love, support, and guidance
Neglecting to care for the child and their needs
Allowing the child to witness domestic violence and abuse repeatedly
Demanding excessive adult responsibilities causing their child to
have no time to be a kid or have friends.
Breaks promises frequently
Plays favorites with one sibling over another
Forbids play or other age-appropriate child-like behavior
Narcissistic personality Disorder (NPD)
The condition is 64% to 75% more common in males than females. Narcissistic personality disorder affects all areas of life, and can harm a person's physical and mental health and lead to life long problems. Many people with NPD do not think there is anything wrong with themselves.
Narcissistic parents can be emotionally abusive towards their children and cause many of the the same abuses shown above.
Narcissism in a Parent [The Signs You Need to Know]
Understanding the Narcissist: Why Do They Treat You This Way?
The following is a true story described by an individual who had extensive experiences with their fathers mental health challenges including a narcissistic disorder. It was not possible to properly address the vital treatment their father needed. The following are real life experiences explained by them in brief.
__________________________________________
"The outcome from our father avoiding seeking help would have a destructive impact to my family and me beginning in early childhood. Among his disorders that caused emotional abuse, our father has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). He never sought help or believed he had any health disorders. I learned many people with (NPD) don't believe there is anything wrong with themselves.
He rejected his children and never participated in parenting, most importantly responsive parenting. He was often angry or emotionless. We never would bond with our father, there was never any form of affection, regular conversations, family activities or any type of relationship what so ever. Sadly, we looked at him much like an acquaintance or a stranger.
A lack of mental health education and damaging generational habits from their parents often contributes to poor mental health, lack of awareness and treatment. Our father's wide range of abuse towards all family members continued for decades and I would experience adversity from childhood into adulthood. Our mother was not excluded.
My father was very manipulative; demanded support but offered no support; very judgmental, critical, and unaccountable for his destructive behavior. His type of mental health disorders will harm any family unit, often for life.
His unstable and erratic behavior was deep reaching. It shattered the foundation of our family that would never rebuild. My siblings and I lost any close family relationships we had during childhood and our relationships would gradually become more distant. There would never be a sense of unity with my siblings. Ultimately, we would not speak to each other for years.
When I look back, the losses were life changing.
Sharing such personal experiences may help you become aware of real life experiences if mental health is not treated. If you or someone you know needs help don't hesitate to educate yourself and take action. It may very well change your children's lives and others you care about."
Parents with untreated mental health and behavioral health disorders
Children are born waiting for love, affection, attention, stability, and guidance, and untreated mental illness can interfere with your ability to provide those—despite your best efforts. “[Behavioral/Mental Health] does have an impact on our ability to parent,”
While the exact challenges you face depend on the nature and severity of your disorder as well as your personal circumstances, a 2012 study published in the Medical Journal of Australia noted that all forms of behavioral/mental health disorders may disrupt positive parenting behavior:
For children who have a parent with a mental health or behavioral disorder that often causes abusive behavior towards their children, the lack of secure, consistent parenting, parental distress, and exposure to marital difficulties can have numerous, significant consequences on emotional and behavioral health of their children. The keys to understanding early and middle childhood health are recognizing the important roles these periods play in adult health and well-being and focusing on conditions and illnesses that can seriously limit children’s abilities to learn, grow, play, and become healthy adults.
Impact of emotional abuse from parents/caregivers:
Damaged/distorted sense of self and confidence
Impaired social functioning
Cognitive difficulties, such as difficulty paying attention, learning, and remembering
Poor academic performance
Mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and low self-esteem
Mood disturbances and poor emotional regulation
Behavioral issues, such as acting out, behaving bizarrely, or an excessive effort to please others
Sleep issues, such as insomnia or nightmares
Social isolation as the result of shame and stigma
Career issues and inability to reach full potential
Increased risk of drug use and poor social relationships
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